Yeah, but does he just support lesbians?

Yeah, but does he support lesbians? (Ed Fitzgerald for Oregon Marriage Equality)

Too often straight men “support” lesbians but not gay men.


I realized that in my introductory post where I talk about my support for my lesbian friends that I neglected to stress my support for equality for gay men too (as well as bisexual and transgender people). I understand many would read my first post and think to themselves, “Ok, that’s well and good…but does he support gay men too? Or is he one of those guys that acts like he is a straight ally, but he just supports lesbians?”

I think this is a valid question as too often men feign support for LGBT people and are simply using lesbians to fulfill their sexual fantasies. Over the years, working in the lumber and plywood industry, I have heard many statements go along the lines of, “The only gays I support are lesbians, and that’s only if they are both hot.”

That is not support in any way, shape, or form. These guys are only showing “support” because they think that lesbian women are here for their pleasure. These are the same guys that believe all a lesbian needs is to sleep with them and then she will turn straight. I see this mindset as a major problem with straight males. You can’t “support” one form of homosexuality and despise another. Such an outlook is anti-gay as well as misogynistic.

I have yet to understand why many straight males have this huge problem with gay men. I see on ESPN, whenever a professional athlete bravely comes out and says that he is gay, the panel always seem to just briefly acknowledge how tough that would be, but then shift the whole discussion to the locker room dynamic. They bring in former players and ask questions like, “What do you think it would be like sharing a locker room with an openly gay teammate?” “Do you think that by him coming out it would make everyone on the team uneasy?”

What many straight men seem to fear the most is being hit on by a gay man. Too many straight men are so uncomfortable with themselves, and possibly questioning their own sexuality, that they believe that every gay man out there wants to be with them. If they actually took a second to think about it, they would realize that a gay man in a locker room isn’t seeing this environment as a sort of buffet. To assume that a gay man is going to find you attractive is extremely egocentric.

So many times I’ve heard, “If a gay guy hits on me, I would kick his ass,” or other extremely ridiculous statements. Who cares if a gay male hits on you or finds you attractive? Take it as a compliment just like you would if it was a woman hitting on you. Even if you weren’t attracted to a woman, you wouldn’t want to hurt her physically if she hit on you.

Just because someone finds you attractive does not mean that you are required to feel the same for them, and if you are so worried what your fellow straight friends will think if they heard about you being hit on by a gay man, it’s time to find some better friends. It’s time to drop the anti-gay, fearful mentality…way past time.

So to sum up, I support all members of the LGBT community.  I am a man; I am comfortable with myself; and if a gay man hit on me, I would take it as a great compliment.  If only we were all so lucky to have others out there who think we are attractive!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Ed Fitzgerald is a father to three children and husband to his high-school sweetheart. He is a straight ally and looks forward to the day that all couples, regardless of gender, can have their love recognized officially with a marriage. Ed recently relocated to Arizona from Oregon, where he lived his whole life. When not dealing with his arguing children or cleaning up after them, he enjoys listening to music and playing video games.

One comment on “Yeah, but does he just support lesbians?

  1. Oregon’s loss is Arizona’s gain (they need you more than we do.)

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